What about you?
by TerryJ
Summary: THIS IS NOT A SHIPPER FIC. takes place after sj talk in affinity. Jack reflects on his life over the past few years.


"What about you?"

Jack O'Neill stood in his favorite place on the base; in the briefing room gazing upon the stargate through the third window. This is where he stood almost ten years ago and was first told of the Stargate by Gen. West. This is where he stood in dress blues awaiting Gen. Hammond before his second trip to Abydos. As long as he wasn't off saving the world or the universe this is where he had stood almost everyday of the past 8 years. In all of those years no question had hit him so hard, plauged him so much as did the one just posed to him by his 2IC.

"What about you?"

In the years after Charlie's death Jack had not once honestly asked himself that question. Before the Stargate, before Daniel Jackson, before Captain/Major/Lt. Colonel Carter, before Teal'c, before SG-1 he had thought his existance was worth nothing, so why question it. He didn't care if he breathed another breath, much less care about the more trivial things in life. Lucky him, at the last moment the universe had opened its doors to him and saved him from himself. He found a reason to live and cherish life... but it was not for him. It was for Carter, and Daniel, and Teal'c and Gen. Hammond, and Doctor Fraiser, and Cassie, hell he was even more likely to be concerned with "What about Thor?" before even the consideration of "What about me? What about Jack O'Neill?"

"What if things had been different?"

She had asked that too, right after that first annoyingly mind blowing question. "What if things had been different?" There was a time when things were different, when he cared more about himself. A time when he asked "What about me?" His life was worth protecting because Sarah made him promise to come home. He was not eager to readily sacrifice himself for a teammate because he had to get home and hear the laughter of his son again. There was a time when he would not have told Carter to save herself and leave him in an Antartic cave to die, there was a time when he would not have volunteered on a suicide mission to destroy a fleet of alien ships. There was a time...

"What if things had been different?"

He now caught himself wondering why things were different. As soon as the question crossed his mind he almost kicked himself. Charlie. He was the reason for everything. If it hadn't been for Charlie most of the past decade would have been vastly different for Jack. But why? Why did things have to change? He suppressed his instinctual sarcastic "Just Because." and forced himself to actually ponder the question. Didn't he believe that he and Sarah "were the greatest" together? Didn't she feel the same way? Why was it that at the time when they both needed some one the most he turned his back on her? Why was it that instead of being there for her he walled up and dwelled on it? "What about Charlie?" "What about that poor boy who no longer has a chance at life?" "What about that poor boys father?"

..."What about me?"

It suddenly hit Jack, hard. He couldn't understand why he didn't see it before. He couldn't understand how he could have been so blithely selfish and ignorant. During all that time that he thought he didn't care about himself in the least he was actually being the most selfish that he had ever been in his entire live. He should have been thinking "What about her?" instead of "me, me, me, me, me!"

His head snapped up and he glanced quickly at the clock as he ran down the stairs to the elevator, hoping beyond hope that 8 and a half years wasn't too late to fix what he had done...

* * *

Sarah O'Neill was tending to her petunias when she heard familiar footsteps. She put down her trowel and looked up to see her ex-husband still in his BDU's wearing a nervous grin on his face.

"Jack...?" She asked apprehensively.

"Yeah, no need to worry. Its me this time." At her unconvinced look he added, "I promise I won't start convulsing or anything."

She smiled. "Well, then. It's good to see you Jack. How are you doing?"

He shook his head dismissively, "I'm fine. But more importantly," He took two long strides until he was a breath away from Sarah and he grasped both of her hands in his, "Most importantly," he emphasized, "What about you?"


End file.
